Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
