i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
