My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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