i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
