Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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