Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
