bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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