i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
