My room smells like vodka and shame
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
