just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
