I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
