the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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