Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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