Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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