Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
