The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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