My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
