my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
