she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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