after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
