What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
