we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
