I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
