Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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