when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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