Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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