i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
