Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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