so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
