I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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