We're like a lot better than the average bears
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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