Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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