...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
