Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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