the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
