I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
