from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
