I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
