Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's a naked man in my car right now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
