the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My hand turned me down
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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