my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
