literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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