Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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