All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
