Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
