I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
