dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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