yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
