I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
