You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
